Saturday, November 26, 2005

It's so disheartening. It's a drag. It's such a stupid thing. Why do i keep saying, u wun understand me or wat. because i don't know how to tell u w/out hurting u. either ways, whatever the fuck it may be.. no one will understand except me myself.

I NEED TIME.. why don't he get it?

serene says "if he truly loves u, he'll give u time.."

oh yea.. he gives me time le.. but yet.. how?! <-- he'll ask. How long? <-- what kinda question is that.

Until i'd cleared my shit. until i can be sure, i am ready. I don't want to rush le. I don't want to make anymore wrong decisions le. If i'm selected to go to France, i'll go through the same pain of not seeing u and all. Like what i'd went through with my ex (number2). What the fuck is the point?! Love is sweet, first stage of a r/s. But after leh? how? u see the point? u still don't get it!!! because i cant explain it to u!!! no strength.. seriously. I'm like thrashing and tearing down my own inner walls. I'm in a fucking dilemma.

I love u
I cant be sure i love u
I cant be sure if i'm ready to be with u
I can be sure, if the time has come, i'll be with u
Can u tahan?
U can? U sure? what if u back out? den i cham liao right?
I cant commit to u. I cant. I don't know why, if i did, i felt betrayed.
I am betraying my own trusted values, my principles and my own will, to be together with u when i'm still at my "healing" stage..
I know u want to help me
But do u know sth.. U cant!!!
Why cant u? Because this is my own problem, only i can solve it. only i can, no one can, u cant, she cant, he cant, no one can! Only i CAN.

fuck it la..
lousy mood

What serene said is true. Perhaps i'll get her to talk to u one day.

SERENE .. i cant make myself say all those to him.. I cant.. he won't understand if i said that.. "Dang ju zhe mi" <-- get it?

haix.. time and time again...... yes.. why ..

i don't want to hurt him.. =( i cant bear to but no choice..

Time.. pls help me to overcome all..
help me to clear my shit
help me to get me out of my shit first
den help "darling" to understand things clearly
den help "darling" to know what to do and things to do
den put us together in the same position as now
and then as u go further.. help us understand each other better
make things easier for us.. =(

i cant rush into things.. i'll classify it as being "reckless". Darling.. u get me? i don't wan to be reckless. I don't want to be careless also. I don't wanna be so unfair to u. U must understand..

i'm sorry

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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |11:45 AM|