Saturday, September 23, 2006
i've been waiting for his fucking call for a day... the whole day.
i've been waiting for his sms reply for a whole day too.
i've called him more than 70 times. damn fucking angry liao.
i'm so bloody sick now and what the fuck are you up to sia? make me more worry. cb... damn pekchek liao.
buay tahan.
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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |9:17 PM|
i feel really bored.
1. Working Stress.
- I'm in charge of that new project. Shucks. A lil jia lat cuz of the target. Set until so high... tmd.. if i no figure report i tio niao. veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy blueeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ytd bo figure. tio niao. but nvm lah. WILL HAVE FIGURE ONE! that's why i'm so stressed.
2. Sick.
- I'm damn sick now though. Terribly jia lat. Bodyache, headache, eyes pain, sore throat + dehydration. Thanks to my job.
3. Boredom.
- My boyfriend went to his duno what camp in NTU. Plus today I'm so damn sick. so cannot go gai gai. sian diao. N i'm even thinking of going to NTU to fetch my bf. duh. Depends on my body. Ah hock also entertain me liao. but no use leh. I'm still bored. ARGH.
4. Money.
- This is my worst nightmare. Well, i've done a lil calculation. Everyday i need to spend $35, about there ba. For cab and for food. Hmmm... my job is lidat de. Go calculate how much i spend ba! Den now so tied up for the nx week. Shit man...
5. Time Management.
- The worst thing in my job is this lor. 1 day meet 4 clients. so travel here there everywhere. N i sucks in this time management... cuz of the TRAFFIC OK! TRAFFIC! frig.. i even give up my lunch to travel to another place to meet that boss. ><
forget it. and now i'm so short tempered. I guess I'm burned out liaos.
I need time to recoverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Btw. I'm going to rebond my hair nx week liao. or perm better? FUCK LA. duno la! haisssssss....
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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |2:39 PM|
Sunday, September 17, 2006
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of having more time to spend for my personal stuff.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of getting a license.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of getting a car and drive myself to work.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of getting a gucci bag for myself.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of a 6 figure savings in my account.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of holidays in hawaii, maldives, kenya, dubai, etc.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of eating my brunch in a 5 star hotel.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of an apartment of my own, in Bt Timah. =x
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of a "perfect" life.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of my best friends. but where are they now? ha. none.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of living happily with my family and him.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of a managerial post.
EVERYDAY! i'm dreaming of starting a business, and work hard to let it get listed in Nasdaq.
dreams. who doesn't have one? =)
but u c... what i'd charted out, are they too ideal? or am i just simply.. materialistic? well, i thought so. i AM materialistic. haha! it's the most practical thing in this world too, isn't it? i thought so too!
as i said, the world is getting smaller and smaller, though it's still bigger than my size. =x. it's all because of the world's connection. it's the wonder of technology that changed all these. well. though the world is smaller now, why is there still a hundred and one lightyears difference in distance between people who once fought over sth n couldn't get them back on the right track, then continue to ride on this wonder train through the rest of their lves? weird. the world is not so small afterall. it's psychology. not technology.
once...i dreamt of sth so real and happy... :
i was all alone in a chalet. i thought i was baking a cake, but no, i was baking blue biscuits, "sea" flavour. it tasted great, i still CAN remember this taste, though it's in a dream. Then, suddenly someone rang my doorbell. I was living in a big house then, very spacious. and it's was beautifully decorated in a ZEN style. When i opened the door, i was flabbergasted.
good friends, all once from my memory was, stood in front of me, wearing happy faces, injected into my peaceful simple happiness with peals of laughter and warmify it even more. guess who i saw?i saw my pri schoolmates. from daniel, susan, shi rui, da jun, yi zhuang, michael, boon kiat, gayathri, jue ming, wai keong, ming kong, etc.. etc..
i saw my sec school friends. jenny, sze jia, idalene, liru, elyn, shufen, ai xin, lee cheng, ting teck, boon wee, yao xiang, yang then, lollipop, boon keong.. etc etc..
i saw my virtual friends. yyx, ah hock, ah jay.
i saw my poly friends. edina, qj, patrick, li fang, etc...
so many friends i saw in my dream.
i saw my darling.
i realised, they are those people who i used to cherish, or rather, am cherishing...
yes... i woke up smiling, cuz at the very least... i know once, and all... though i did not see them for a long long time... i dreamt of them. so they were once people who complete my life...
it's a very very VERY happy dream. and i offered them my Sea flavoured blue biscuits. they're smiling happily...
so do i... do you friends know ur names are even appearing in my blog?
do you friends even know you once are a part of my life?
it doesn't matter even if u guys don't know. cuz its me who once cherish u guys, and some, i'm still cherishing u... =)
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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |1:56 PM|
people come people go.
people in people out.
people stay people leave.
with a blink of an eye, a mth is comin' soon. i mean workin' for my current company. i've learnt so many things and much values there. the "beauty" of life. the "beauty" of human relationship. the "beauty" of connections. the "beauty" of communication. THESE, i need not see them all appearing as words in a textbook. I see them through my eyes. How it really works in the real world.
I mock those who "conceal" (not hide nor cover, bt weird word to use too), those who paint a bed of roses of their lives in the dreams only to wake up like a shrouded corpse, unable to derail their current wretched life to a proper planned one. how weird. cuz i deduce that about 70% of the world's population must be like that.
here is a place for me to rant and complain on ANYTHING i want. get this straight. get it right too.
life goessss onnnnnn...
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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |2:40 AM|
Friday, September 15, 2006
Some people just don't have sense. They think avoiding is the best possible result in all cases. These peoples are what i call... FUBARS. Well, i learned it from my boyfriend and a friend. FUBAR = Fucked Up Beyond Any Recognition.
I'm fedup by one thing, and that is when people started avoiding me. Just tell me straight in my face what the hell u're unhappy about and let me know that reason okay? instead of doing this blocking/ hiding/ facing off to me. If so, i really regretted knowing this person in the first place. TO THINK, i even treat "it" as a good friend once. Well, life is full of regrets and accomplishments. Though i'm starting to regret, STARTING TO, i wouldn't let it pull my life down of course! hahaha. All i can say is, in time to come, when this person gotta need my help, they gotta go all the way down to their knees to start begging, or start to grin like a clown to me. Oh my gosh. I think i'm really old fashioned down here. goodness. how can i think of this even?! haha! In actuality, i'll just let it flow like the rapids. The fundamental principle of life is to accept changes and adapt to it. Fleeting memories can be good sometimes, at the very least, i'd learnt sth. Human beings are just... like that. <-- yes, just... "like that".
What a good day it is today. Another company tried to buy me over to work for them again. hm. Good pay? Double my present salary? Give me extra benefits? nonono. I think they've got it wrong. My commitment is to myself, and of course, my company. The only reason i've decided to not be "poached", is the environment i'm now in... and that is feeling .....
blessed...Thank you so much, GM. =D
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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |8:02 PM|
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
How do you define a "friend"? someone who gives you support on your choices? someone who ask u out if you're bored? someone who you can confide to when you met with a problem? someone who will think of you when they're bored themselves? someone who stand by you? someone who makes you feel complete or just someone to fill up that hole that was not filled up by just a "someone" out there?
many definitions. but to me, it's just a fleeting memory left in one's mind. life is transient. all things are changeable. many fundamental values may remain, but how long can it last? Friends. Needless to say. They might be the first "people" to be given up. Afterall, family is still the key. Well... may not be to ALL people, but I believe that in majority, this is how it works.
Scenario:A and B are friends for years. One day, both A and B split up cuz they both have different approach in life. Still in contact, but not as close as before. A cares for B, but felt that B had gradually been pulling "itself" out from A's life. A was unhappy, and still regard B as "its" good friend.
As time goes by, the distance between these 2 friends were stretched further, though still in contact. B went out without telling A to come along anymore. A felt worse.
A had another friend, C. Both A and C went together and are very close. B and C know each other, but not so close, and not as long as B knew A. At times when B went out for an outing, would ask C to come along, C would then automatically mention A, so A comes along as well. A felt used. It seems like B still wouldn't go direct to ask, but for numerous times, A went out cuz B asked C and C told A to "come along". I was in fact, saddened by this scenario i wrote above. How did 2 friends become like that? No idea? perhaps it's B who dislike A for some time? perhaps C was the "cause" of it? or perhaps A had a problem of thinking too much? people who see this post can help answer me this qn? if it seems too complicated, read again k?
Hmmm.
About my job... I'm stress to death. hahaha.... but i'm picking up. =D Anyway, which job isn't stressful? hurhur... but i can guarantee you. Advertising line is the most stressful job out of most lor. =x I hope i will not meet anymore cock up customers.
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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |10:25 PM|
Saturday, September 02, 2006
It wasn't a good day for me yesterday. In fact, it is a terrible week. My sufferings coming from the "inside" and the "outside" had painted my day black and painted my face blue. Everyday is a black day to me when i hadn't got any sales coming in; i do not have $. PLUS carrying this 10kg briefcase around and walking under the scorching hot sun, had left me stranded and I'm lost in the middle of the Senoko industrial park, Tuas industrial park, Woodlands industrial park... and more i pray to not "come".
(unless it's a deal!!!)Early in the morning, my head manager of sales held a meeting with us. I knew it was quite a "bad" omen cuz somehow, I saw her face that wore this "i'm going to get this straight" kind of expression. =/ SO! The meeting was about sales figure, yes, as usual... I must explain that I'm not exactly stressed by her, nor by my direct manager. I'm stressed with myself; my own ability to sell and to communicate. I do not understand what had happened to me, but somehow along my way, i seemed to have "dropped" my drive, and my motivation leaked down the roads. I knew something was wrong cuz I wasn't even HAPPY to meet the clients. I took them as my liability instead, that i need to communicate with such cow brain bosses who are not long- sighted enough to plan ahead of the current time. I'm sick of being so patriotic and tell them "COME ON! SUPPORT SINGAPORE!" kind of stuff. Perhaps I'm self-blaming again, cuz I feel that I'm too lousy to outperform any other people in their sales figure. I want my luck all back to me. Already, I'd started to blame this for bad luck, that for being inauspicious... Now I must see that these cowbrain bosses are my sources of income!
think i'm really going @_@.
me and my idiosyncrasies for blowing small matters up into disasters, senseless sense of "extremities" (radical i mean). i think i'm thinking too much. I'm so nonsensical till i even took my hair as an object that BARRED me from good luck, cuz it trapped too much bad dusts that made my day so dusty and grey. gosh. i think i'm crazy.
alright. back here. anyway, my head had set a sales target for me. I was very O_O when i heard that figure. But whatever. I'll do my best to get my bonus. O.O!!! 8-)
Must go temple pray liaos. Hope that the wheel of fortune will bring in good luck to me. I'd read my "fortune" lah... their readings had brought me much solace. So I hope what they say will last till the week after next... or next month! It's very very necessary. and of course, I'M TALKING ONLY ABOUT THE GOOD SIDE OF THAT READING!
JIA YOU BA! *damn you laura, confident level rise up so fast AGAIN!* hahahaha...
wtf. i'm damn lame.
anyway. jz ranting in my own comfort zone, space, etc... etc... etc.. blah...
Get back to serious work now liaos. (sleep.)
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My Uncharted Territory out
@ |3:58 AM|
