Friday, December 15, 2006
why the fuck am i feeling lousy sia.......
perhaps i don't like him going clubbing. afterall, he's always going leh! i'm always being left out of the FUN! wah lao eh. this is the 3rd - 4th time le lor. i reali don't like this feeling. REALLY DON'T LIKE IT...............
*sobs* i'm feelin' truly blue. (though i wore red today) zzz
-----------------------------------------------------------
My Uncharted Territory out
@ |7:38 PM|
Thursday, December 14, 2006
hmm...
Darling's been in Japan for the... 4th day? haha. All's fine and well for the time being =) i'm coping well! hahaha. miracle!!! =x alright. So i want him to enjoy his trip to the FULLEST and there~ just have tonnes of fun before u're back to sg ba! =)
Some random thoughts..
Are Capricorns truly loyal people to their mates? Are they super practical? Are they people who are very 痴情？ OH WELL. I'm a capricorn here u c, they say that i should be organised, as i'm under the planet of order and law; saturn, they say that i should be serious *agree* and bla bla bla. i failed badly in time management and i know! does that makes me less "capricorn-ish"? hahaha.
Say. Today hock he's truly outta love. Yes, again, he fell too deeply too fast. That hole in his heart can never be mend unless he mend it himself i think. and i'm trying to "estimate". hahaha. Will he ever be a bachelor till 40+ or what? argh. frustrated lah. I'm frustrated cuz he just kept falling in and out. Then i'm the rubbish bin for him to throw complains in. ARGH. I MUST FASTER THROW BACK SOME TO HIM OSO. hahahaha. but hope I WILL NEVER THROW ANY. I want to be HAPPY! maybe can share happiness nia. *my happiness comes from my darling (victor), my job (Service relationship officer of HSBC) and my family (though it can be quite "translucent".)
oh ya! vic says he bought something for me in japan and is afraid that i might not like it. hahaha. he was put down cuz of a comment by a girl in his group. i wonder what that was though. hmmm... whatever it is, even if he gave me a pen.. i'll just take lor? ahhahaha!!! nothing to be too disappointed ba~ (but pls pls don't buy me any thing like... nail polish la, etc anything that can spoilt so easily) hahaha. waste money n effort. travel far to get something i can buy in singapore is quite O.O! not that i'm picky hor! I WILL STILL LIKE IT! *HUGS*
arrrr. it's jz some random posts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
My Uncharted Territory out
@ |7:35 PM|
Monday, December 11, 2006
Darling... *hugs*
10 december 2006
You left for Tokyo. 10 days. You will be back on the 20th December 2006 to Singapore. Yet, at such a short period of time, I will still miss you loads. *hugs* I saw your looks before you left, and I hope I'd mistaken seeing you rubbed ur eyes when you checked in. If you were going to tear at that time, or had teared, I was very much the same as you at that point in time. However, I took great effort, or rather, herculean efforts to control and stop my eyes from getting red and thus causing tears to fall. I don't want to cry at all, no matter how much it really bothers me that you're going to be away from me for a while. It's the first step towards independence. Your first step. Our first step too, in experiencing world. I had mine already, now's ur turn. It's a happy thing, and so I want you to be happy too. It's just a 10 days trip, I told myself. After 10 days, you will be back to me, mine.
I'll be waiting, of course, and in open arms, to embrace your return happily.
Love ya loads. I should post this in our blog too. *muacks*
-----------------------------------------------------------
My Uncharted Territory out
@ |12:30 AM|
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
念念不忘。。。
-----------------------------------------------------------
My Uncharted Territory out
@ |7:29 PM|
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Feeling lonely though.
How I wish everything, entirely, will be on the right track.
I feel fake, i am fake and everything don't turn out to make me feel real. I feel that the situation of my life now took a turn. I'm not me anymore, I am not one who will take photos of myself everywhere, doing strange poses, and sing out loud on the streets. I am not one who is motherly as before, one who just volunteer to cook dinner or dessert to make people happy. I am just not the optimistic self anymore, I'm still working this out.
A wise person told me something like, "Life is all about learning and chances, if u don't learn, it will give u one more chance, and keep coming back. Until you learn, it will stop." So I must learn. Cause what I was taught or learnt in the past had expired. Some turned bad even. Constant absorption of new experiences will teach a person life lessons. The way to be taught is to stay optimistic alt all times, to stay vigilant, to be thirsty and humble. What do I lack in life? I lacked one possible quality that makes up the everything, that needs to make a person carry on one's life smoothly. Yesterday I was told "PRIDE IS NOTHING." Today I am pushing myself to throw away my pride. Today I'm practicing this lesson taught yesterday. Did I learn? I shall say "no." I did not learn yet, cause when I threw it away once, I got defensive and protective. So I was also told yesterday to "LET DOWN YOUR DEFENCE, IT IS OK ONE." This is why when I got defensive and protective, I let it down almost immediately after I sensed it. Have I learn yet? I will still say "no." Why so? It is because life is all about learning. Life is always about learning. So I must throw my pride away all the time to learn, and let down my defence all the time to learn. Pride, of course, is very needed in some situation. "USE IT WISELY," is another lesson I had yesterday. So I must learn this too.
Life is beautiful. I did not attempt suicide, but thought of it. I did not know why. But yesterday I was told the reason. "BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON. BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, YOU HAVE NOT GIVEN UP YET." Now I know, I have not given up. Why do I need to be told of such simple thing when one could possibly get that answer from ourselves? I know the reason after figuring this out for a while. “当局者迷。” is the reason.
What have I learned? Nothing presently. But will I learn? I'll leave the answer to people around me to pin point to me.
-----------------------------------------------------------
My Uncharted Territory out
@ |8:52 PM|
Monday, December 04, 2006
回不了头了。。。
-----------------------------------------------------------
My Uncharted Territory out
@ |8:51 PM|
Friday, December 01, 2006
Break Away
i guess it must be the "once in a month visit" that caused my moodiness. By right i should be happy, very happy. But i don't know what caused me to be kind of down. Few things that make my day are...
1. I'm finally meeting darling tomorrow
2. I'm happy at my new work place in HSBC
3. I'm happy for Hock.. who finally found someone who he loves
hmm.. but just what, what makes me feel so down? i cannot comprehend. darling's at MOS now, happy with his friends, i'm happy for him too, cuz he don't meet these friends often. I think perhaps, it's all that past events that bothered me.
somehow, i don't know why. i feel disappointed with yii xue. i don't know why i feel exactly so, but i know he's someone who's been with me at some important stage of my life. somehow, i don't know why too, i'm disappointed with poly friends, i feel that they sort of screwed up my life or something. not all, but some. somehow, i feel that i should have mugged like hell so i could go to jc, den university. anyway, i just don't feel quite right.
saying about my job, i love it. there's nothing else to say. it's indescribable. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------
My Uncharted Territory out
@ |9:56 PM|
